It only took one simple question…

When in a relationship with a narcissist, you might find out that you have some sort of a personality disorder yourself. I’m not going to lie, I definitely got one. Every “normal” person in this world will tell me to get away and out of this situation as fast as my feet will carry me and I ultimately feel bad for having such selfish thoughts.

Unfortunately, being an empath, I permanently feel his pain and insecurity. I understand. So how is that going to work?

I visited tons of websites on the strange relation between narcissists and empathetic people. It’s a perfect match. You’ll forget about yourself and end up just catering to the narcissists needs and wants. Until you go stir crazy or loose yourself.

I don’t want to do either, so I tried a five minute meditation to get back in touch with myself.

“First, you’ll stand on both feet, maybe with your eyes closed, focusing on your breath. Try to breath in on 4 and out on 8. This will relax you and you’ll eventually forget the world around you.”

I don’t believe it quite yet, but I stand up and start breathing in and out, trying to concentrate on the rhythm and onto my lungs expanding.

“Feel your feet sink into the ground and your breath coming and going. Once you feel centered, put your hand on your heart and notice how it feels.”

I feel very happy as I can tell that my shoulders dropped during this meditation, I can feel my body relaxing and my breath being calm and steady. Putting my hand on my heart is the easiest thing in the world. I wonder, what should come out of it and lay my hand on my chest. I feel a strange feeling arouse in me. It’s like my brain is shut off and all the attention is on my body, it’s natural functions, it’s beauty and abilities. I get nervous. Why does this feel so weird?

“Continue breathing and just hold your heart.

Ask yourself one question:

What do I need right now?”

That’s the moment when I loose control and my heart is just showering me with all these long restrained emotions. I immediately start crying. Tears are running over my cheeks and my hands, holding my heart. I cry silently. Not a single noise comes out of me. Just tears, tears, tears.

After this meditation, I feel stronger. I can’t believe how powerful it was. Kind of scary. There’s several things I don’t like. Loosing control is one of them. Even sneezing upsets me, because you can’t stop it. Hick-ups! Ugh! You will laugh, but shaking and crying without being warned (usually you feel it coming) was like loosing control to me.

I will definitely practice this more often and find a Meetup for Buddhism, spirituality and meditation. To find one in your area, check http://www.meetup.com or your local ads.

I’m very thankful for a short introduction to mediation. You might like it, too: